The Birthday Call

This was authentically documented, moments after it happened.

"Hi, Mama."

"Hi, baby!"

"How are you today?"

"I'm fine sweetheart, how are you?'

"Did you get the flowers I sent you?"

"Yes!  They're beautiful!  Thank you!"

"Did they send you the Casablanca Lilies I asked for?"

"I don't know, they're a bunch of white flowers."

She sounded very happy.  Bright.  Cheerful.

"Are you having a good birthday?"

"What's good?  You know I don't care about birthdays.  It's just a day like any other."

"But this is a big one."

"Yes, I know.  I'm OLD."

"You're not that old."

"I'm a hundred!"

"You are eighty years old today."

"Is that all I am?  I thought I was older.  I have arms like an old lady."

"When I come home I will show you how to work out and lift weights so that the muscle will pound out the wrinkles."

"In my forearms?!  Cause that's where they are really wrinkled!"

"How are you celebrating today?"

"I don't know.  We might be going to dinner.  I don't know where.  But that's probably what daddy planned."

"Well, I'm very glad you were born."

"I am too but I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Maybe I should call grandmother and thank her."

"If you get through, the bill is going to be enormous!"

"How long has grandmother been gone?"

"Hell, I don't remember.  I don't even know what year this is."

"2018.  Today is —--- –, 2018."

"Oh!  It's my birthday.  How old am I?"

"You are eighty years old today."

"WOW!  THAT is OLD!"

"You're not that old."

"I don't feel that old.  Until I try to get up and walk.  But only some of the time."

"You were getting around great the last time I came home.  You should exercise more though."

"I like to exercise."

"Not really.  You kind of hate it."

"I know.  But don't tell anyone."

"Well I'm glad you were born.  You're my favorite Mommy."

"I'm your ONLY Mommy!"

"I know, aren't I lucky I got my favorite Mommy to be my own?"